At the end of her dreams - Chapter 1

In August Milan is, as always, a terrible place to live in.

And in those days the situation seemed even more dramatic; the temperature had reached so high a peak that even the brief night ranges were unable to bring it back to an acceptable level. Moreover the sultry weather  was so stifling that it had turned the air-conditioned supermarkets into the only plausible sources of relief.

So too on that afternoon, right after work, Silvia went to one of those little oases close to home, under the guise that she still had to buy a few things for supper, and she wandered slowly through useless supermarket aisles, though she loitered mainly in the frozen foods section.

Just as she was taking her time at the fresh produce section, pretending she was about to pick the freshest lettuce, she came across a very familiar gaze: that was Anna’s, Michelle’s mother’s, signature look.

She felt so glad to have bumped into her! Coincidentally, she had been thinking solely of Anna in the last few hours.

She hadn't been able to contact her daughter for some days so she had begun feeling a little uneasy because it was not Michelle's way to keep her cell phone off for such a long while.

On the one hand she knew she had to be patient with her friend; Michelle had gone through such a hard time that year, so maybe it was quite normal for her to decide to break away completely from the daily grind. She had just finished her therapy a week earlier and at last she had been given permission to go to the seaside with her little girl.

«Anna!» exclaimed Silvia, with pleasant surprise.

«Anna, are you all right?» she asked again in response to the silence by the other woman, who apparently seemed  totally lost in her thoughts.

She had to touch her arm to grab her attention.

Only then Anna seemed to pull round and gave a start.

«What's going on?» asked Silvia, worried.

«Please, speak!» she went on concerned.

«My little girl...» sighed Anna while beginning to weep.

Silvia had never seen her so down in the dumps, not even when, nine months before, Michelle had been diagnosed with breast cancer; on the contrary, on that very occasion, Anna had reacted with deep inner force, like a lioness.

“It happens!” she had shouted, encouraging both her girls and above all herself. “Many women I know have gone through it and they have all found a way out. The key is about finding the right care. Of course we would have been much better off if this had not occurred... but we know damn well that we're never afraid to face any kind of trouble!”

Anna's reaction had been great then. That's why her tears caused Silvia to panic.

«She's had a relapse» the woman went on in a very weak voice.

«A relapse?» asked Silvia «what do you mean, a relapse?!»

That word started reverberating in her head.

«That can't be true! She has just completed her treatment! That can't be true!» the girl began repeating that obsessively while raising her voice higher and higher.

She realized that her frenzied demeanor was starting to draw people's attention so she tried to pull herself together and went on in a low voice.

«Tell me all about it!» she entreated, while she pretended to smile at the curious shoppers who had begun getting a little too close to her, despite her attempt to disperse them through her body language.

Anna took a deep breath.

«She had had  terrible headaches for a few days.»

«She had told me about it before leaving but all in all they had seemed sort of normal to me. Who doesn't suffer from headaches nowadays? What's that got to do with it?» went on Silvia, impatient to get to the bottom of it.

«So my sister Julia convinced her into having another check-up. She suspected those headaches were anything but normal; they threw Michelle into a stupor. Michelle seemed to become unable to hear our voices any more, with the exception of Gaia's voice, which she maybe could hear even too well. She used to say she could not stand her... could not stand her daughter's shrill cries, you see? She said those cries worked like a drill boring into her brain. So her aunt Julia persuaded her, by means of her soft and gentle ways, into seeking medical advice again. They went to the hospital where Michelle gets her treatment and she had an emergency CAT scan and... they found something in... her head.»

«Something what? Why in her head? What? In her head?» asked Silvia just as she started feeling sick.

«That's what the doctors said, that's all we know...» said Anna, trying to stop her chin from trembling embarrassingly.

«That can't be true» sighed Silvia shaking her head.

«They hospitalized her two days ago. They're conducting all the appropriate medical tests... hopefully it's not that again» added Anna disconsolately.

Silvia’s ears began to ring.

«But they stuffed her with chemotherapy! The tumor can't have turned up again, I mean, not so fast!» the girl went on, trying to hold down the tone of her voice not to attract any nosy shoppers again; at that moment she was absolutely incapable of tolerating anybody who should meddle in her business, not even the most coddling of old women.

«I hope you are right, Silvia» resumed Anna, who was being vaguely comforted by those words. As a matter of fact the girl's line of reasoning was incontrovertible.

«Silvia?» she called her once again.

But the girl‘s head had started spinning faster and faster. She was overcome by nausea, her hands were cold and her ears were ringing.

«I gotta sit down» she mumbled before collapsing on the lettuce stand.

When she reopened her eyes she found herself lying on the floor, surrounded by the busybodies she had shunned a few minutes before, while a cashier girl was barely managed to keep her legs elevated.

«It's nothing» she said, ill at ease.

She had always hated to pass out amid a crowd.

She attempted to sit up but she could not make it.

Some minutes later emt rescuers came into action, they were wearing flashy orange uniforms.

«Relax, we're here to help you.»

«I don't need anyone!» she said in a huff «I'm okay, really. It was just a little bit of dizziness.»

They checked her blood pressure: it was really very low.

«We can't leave you here. Please, come with us...» they were so kind to her that she could not refuse to grant that request.

«Anna, please, don't say anything to my mother» Silvia was begging her.

«Don't worry» the woman winked reassuringly.

«Do you want me to come with you to the hospital?»

«Thanks, there's no need for that. Really, it's nothing. I pass out often during summer. Your daughter is very familiar with these events!»

She smiled while thinking back to the many times she had happened to become ill in her friend's presence. Michelle always had some licorice candies on hand in her bag. As soon as she saw Silvia turning pale, no matter where they were, she would force her to sit down or even lie down; then she would give her a handful of those black candies and would make her stay put until she had swallowed them entirely.

That method had indeed proved itself effective most of the time, and it had kept Silvia from fainting numerous times.

«I'll give you a buzz tonight, Anna.»

«See you soon, Silvia, at least you don't make me worry.»

She kissed her forehead and let the rescuers take her away.